Thoughts

let me tell you a story.

This past week has been so difficult for me because I’ve had to face things no girl should ever face. Okay fine, this may sound melodramatic, I’ll stop.

But let me tell you, before I start, that if you can relate to this, you should know that you can come to a place that is set higher and chose to speak life and peace into your circumstances.

So, a friend told me that I could live with her for the summer. It wasn’t till later on that I found out that the person will not be in town till a week or so after my contract ended. Ok, so whatever, cause someone offered me their couch. And that was enough. Somehow deep inside I had a feeling that it wouldn’t work out. And so Sunday came along, I had no place to go. I called my cell leader just hours before, explained my situation and she said I could stay. So that was that. 

I’ve been trying to call the person to see if I still could live with her for the rest of the summer. But somehow I just felt like, meh. It didn’t work out, why should I keep trying. I was upset already. Because let me tell you something:

Being homeless sucks. Depending on others sucks. Relying on someone else (other than family) it’s not cool. Always asking for rides and favours you know you cannot repay. 

To be honest I wasn’t even pms-ing. I guess the feeling of not having a place to stay in a foreign land really got to me. I don’t even know why.. But whatever the excuse, I was sad. Feeling so let down. Not cool I tell you. On top of that I kept missing Skype or FaceTime dates. 

Let me where I am at now. This past Sunday I went out for prayers, and whatever pride I had I didn’t care. I just went out and told my frustrations, basically how I wished I was home – and things would be less complicated. I literally bawled. Which was a little bit embarrassing but no pride hey. Through that prayer, I felt my heavy heart slowly becoming lighter and lighter. By the time I got back to my seat I was so light. I felt free and it has been quite some time since I felt that way.

To be honest, I purposed in my heart to forgive, forget and let it be the past. But honestly, let me be frank and tell you that my initial trust can never be restored. I guess I really just need Jesus to teach me how to trust and start new again. 
I mean one step at a time? I am so grateful that I got to a point where I can look at the situation from a higher point. I am blessed to be able to stand on a rock that is higher than I. I pray with all my heart that I will be able to be genuine and loving and just so forgiving in future circumstances.
Here’s to new family and learning to grow!

Summer livin

i have a tonne of things to check of my to-do list,

But all I can do right now is just sit here, listen to Sleeping at Last aka emo music, stare out into the night and think of how cool it would be if I could be in AZ.
Ah that life of disappointment is a stranger to me now.

Because if you learn to rely on the One that never fails – life will never be a disappointment.

Grateful for alone time and grateful for my best best Friend who follows me wherever I go.
Remember that, Eugenia.

Kendra turns 19 part 2



Hi everyone,

This is Kendra. I met her barely 3 months ago but I love her so much already. In many ways she has been such a blessing to me. She has been like my “little” sister – no I’m kidding. But her love for God inspires to always pursue God with all my heart.

From my brief friendship with Kendra I can say this about her.

Kendra is kind, she is determined- to love God and love others. Kendra is full of joy and caring. But most of all Kendra’s child like faith and love for God is extraordinary.

Happy 19th birthday, to this wonderful life I have a privilege to be a part of.

Love you Kendra Sy!

Kendra turns 19 part 1



Today would not have happened without:



German Chocolate cupcakes – courtesy of Crimson and Cream (so good)



Laura – brought party hats for everyone and a tiara for the Birthday girl! 🙂 



Last but not least – mastermind behind everything. Nosi! She planned and made tonight happened. So blessed and thankful for this year wonderful lady ❤️

So, Happy birthday Kendra!

Phenomenal 

(photo credits: theworshipproject.co)

so I just had to blog. It’s 230am and I just had IHOP for the first time! Yeah Murica. Also, I’ve just had the best day yet. 

Started off the day asking God for favor when we met with the bursar to try to waive our late charges. After class I headed over and kept asking God for favor. True enough when we met with Miss Janice, she immediately waived the charges and got our receipts in a second. I barely needed to explain why I needed the charges waived. I was so happy and shocked at how smooth the whole process went. Finally being able to pay fees was a huge relief off of my back. And on top of that, in faith I went to the bank the day before and took out the exact balance without the extra 1.5% and if they didn’t waive it I would have to make another trip to Chase. Wow.

Then I went to the bookstore and got a shirt that was wrongly priced – but I got it for the cheaper price anyways! 🙂 🙂

But to top it all off – Encounter tonight was PHENOMENAL. No other word to describe what just happened. We spent the few hours soaking, prophesying and ministering into each other. Oh so powerful. God keeps reminding me how He has taken care of me throughout my high school/running days and He’ll do the same here. Afterwards Rin and Chad prayed over me. Rin got a word for me about being a bright fire and Chad had a funny picture of me cupping water in my palms. Hmm I have to pray about that for sure. But man oh man.

It gets better.

I got to play foosball with the awesome bunch. And while that was happening, everyone was buzzing on about IHOP (cause international pancake day!). Then suddenly, OU texted/called that classes were cancelled for the whole of today!!!! Which means tests are going to be rescheduled but yay!!

So IHOP was a no go. Headed over to Hannah’s to grab her laptop and some coffee. Then we went to the house Joel and Jarred stayed for a week / house sitting to have worship. Man! Greg was there too. It was so awesome. The word spoken over the group tonight:

  • We are going to be excellent in sharing Gods love
  • People are going to want to be near us and we are gonna make an impact on campus
  • Greg said that worship was like the 7th walk around Jericho. We didn’t need to do anything yet the walls broke down. All we needed was to praise Him.

Encounter and worship afterwards – was indescribable. God came down and poured out into so many hungry hearts today – surreal.

We did IHOP! And hence why I’m just writing this now. 🙂 pancakes was good.

I’m so excited that good days like these are going to be a norm – and I’m claiming that. More favored days ahead!! 🙂 🙂 

So thank You Jesus. For you tell us to worry not and rest in You. We know every good and wonderful thing comes from You alone. Lest we forget.

Tests

I know I was suppose to blog about fullness but I’m feeling so bummed. Test results are coming in and I totally flunked two of my major courses – it’s not that I didn’t study or anything cause I really did! Yet I just either don’t understand what I’m doing, or I figured it out but don’t get it when questions are changed.

Funny thing is, I went to the action center for physics and this dude who never took Physics his whole life – who doesn’t know how to calculate acceleration from a graph – yeah we he totally scored way higher than mine. Like how is that even possible?

Seriously don’t know what’s happening. I need to study smart, but I don’t know how.

But God turns around the worst situations for the best – so there is my silver lining.

Oh the irony of resting that I learned in fullness: to let go and let God, but sometimes all I can see is everything else that God doesn’t. So today I’m going to declare that my grades do not define me. Especially not a test grade. It will not limit or stop me from ace-ing my final exams and future tests. Today onwards I will study smart – even if I don’t know how, the Holy Spirit will be my teacher.

Grace days – endured.

Fullness 2015

Hi, its Friday and I am waiting on laundry. I am listening to Jonathan David & Melissa Helser’s latest album – “On the Shores”. I just scored 5/5 for my Geo reading quiz and that made my day. 🙂 Anyway, I’ve been procrastinating. Putting off writing this post and now I realise why. Why I wasn’t so keen on writing it.

Honestly, the Fullness conference tugs on my heart’s deepest part. Every fault and disbelief I have was challenged. I will try to explain what I mean. But honestly, I am a very negative person (well that was the old me!) and to hear things like this – the simple truths of our great Father made me so skeptical. I was like, “Huh, really, it’s that simple? No, that can’t be it”.

One thing spoke to me so powerfully – this simple statement:

“Rest is our greatest weapon”

As easy as it is to say these five words, to know and take heart, thats a different level. Graham Cooke’s sermon on rest really challenged me. I started questioning myself. Really – why am I worrying so much when I have a God that has everything taken care of? Is anything too hard for the Lord? Often, I am guilty of belittling God. Limiting His power and love in my life. Honestly, we receive the love we think we receive and I’ve been guilty of thinking that God will never love me as much because of (endless list of flaws). Telling Him, “Hey, my day is going to be pretty busy today, and I’m going to pray and do my devotions – but I’m going to strive to make sure I get through the day. And uhm, if you want to help you can, but it’s going to be a busy day, okay God? So bye”, “See you when I’m exhausted and weary from my busy day”. And then at the end of the day I find myself asking, “Where was God during my bad/busy days”? Naive. So blinded by the fact that i’ve left Him aside, forgotten that He was right there, next to me.

And yet, God is so ever ready to open His arms wide again – to assure me that He is glad i’ve come to realise that his love is unconditional. His grace is all deserving and His power knows no bounds. And yes, we may limit Him when the waves of life come crashing Him, but that doesn’t mean He is actually limited in anything, we just think He is. And oh, what a wonderful God we serve. That allows us to come just as we are, with our flaws and impure love and filthy hearts.

I will never begin to understand that, but I believe it is real. And I want to live like that – knowing I am loved and God’s grace will never let  me go. I went to lifegroup on Thursday (after yet another hectic week) and Chris, my LG leader shared about how he had a pretty intense week but He chose Jesus. He chose not to worry. In the end he didn’t look tired out or anything, God’s grace sustained him. Wow, to hear and witness testimonies from people my age – that’s something. LG has been opening my eyes to see how God works in the lives of people my age. I’ve heard testimonies after testimonies. Jesus has worked in radical ways. Despite the similar struggles we all face as students, God remains the same, yet so personal to each and everyone of us. I want a significant relationship with God. One thats not built based on obligations but one that recognizes that by delighting in God alone, we claim our territory and let God into our everyday lives. Better yet, we kick the enemy’s stronghold, throw away worries and anxieties. Before we know it, we have our greatest weapon: REST!

And a little bit about the actual conference. The Friday of the conference Kenah texted me. He told me that he had extra overflow tickets – a ticket cost $69 (overflow) $90 (normal). And I thought about it for the longest time, then I finally decided, hey, he offered, guess I’ll just go. And so, I am so grateful to Kenah really, for not forcing us, but actually giving us the option to go. Thankful to these two really. They treat me like their own little sister. Love them to the bits (picture 8) I got to hang out at Hannah’s place for the night with a bunch of girls from LG. One of them, Rachel (picture 7) is an art/portrait major. Its so cool how she painted during worship, the picture shows some of the paintings she worked on throughout fullness. (picture 5&6) This super cool burger/bar place Kenah took us. He paid for our burgers, it was so good! The place was pretty neat too. We spent the break talking and getting to know Laura. (picture 1) is on Saturday – when Kenah cooked for us dinner and we all hung out at his place.

So, the picture with the Bethel guys? Well. I totally had a crush on the keyboardist, haha he was so good looking! And on the last day I told myself I need a picture with him, or anyone in the band for Tiff (< super big fan of Bethel). But I had not guts. Ya. I went up to the beard guy , told him my sister is singing Bethel songs in Malaysia. And there, awkward picture for you! I was kinda bummed since they were leaving for tour immediately after this service. We chilled and waited for everyone to gather to go home. And I was heading towards the toilet area when Jeremy Riddle and Mr Cute Keyboardist walked towards me!!! I was thrilled. Totally jumped at the chance and asked for a picture. Conveniently, Pabel was there and the Cutie thought I wanted a picture with Jeremy only, I had to convince him to be in it lol. But it was all worth it! We drove home and they were next to us. It wa so funny but 🙂 🙂 what a wonderful few days. really.

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Thank you Jesus, for never failing to amaze each day.