flawed to perfection

Hi,

Let me be the first to say that the last couple of weeks have not been my “most spiritual” season of my life. I am definitely working on it but after what I’ve been through I feel like there was a reason for the lack of time spent with Jesus (as in reading the Bible etc). Don’t get me wrong, I am still constantly talking to him and what not. But I’ve learned to grasp (maybe just a little bit) this faith thing. Wow, writing this, I am just blown away.

I am appalled at the many times I’ve tried to earn my “hours” with God. Calculating the hours spent reading or praying. Cause really, Isaiah 64:6 “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.” We will never be good, or even come close to being “holy” enough for God. Sad but true. I would often think of how I was throughout the day and be disappointed in myself.

However, the word holy is synonymous with godly. And really. Me? Nah, I can never even come close to that. Wow. But I am constantly blown away by how God confirms again and again that with FAITH, he has completed us to perfection.

I’ve always imagined the flawed person I am as cracks in the pavement. Everyone knows that driving on roads like that make the journey bumpy. Jesus is the tar that is constantly making the cracked pavement smooth. Filling in all the cracks, all my flaws, taking my sins, and making everything perfect again. But think about this, if we are already trying to fill the cracks with something not as good as tar, it wears off easily?

I’ve been constantly reminded over and over that I should stop striving. Stop trying to be in control of filling the cracks with useless materials. Because I am a sinner. I will constantly sin. Regardless of how holy I aim to be. Because whatever Jesus did on the cross, it satisfied the heart of God forever. Yet, in the light of forgiveness – Jesus takes my brokenness aside and He makes it beautiful. No matter how many time I mess up.

Forgive my rants, but I think it is very much relevant to me. I know it may seem repetitive but Joseph Prince phrased it perfectly when he said “The secret behind every godly man and woman is their belief in the truth that they have been forgiven”.

Man. I do not know what I just wrote, but I do know that Jesus calls us higher each day, to live to the standard of perfection that He has set. To acknowledge that it is possible, because He has completed us to do so.

Wow. Jesus. You are definitely my favourite.

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Selah 

  
#nofilter

Genesis 2:1-3:Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
So grateful for a long weekend. A getaway from school. Grateful that I did not stay in my room doing homework or trying to study. I actually managed to forget about homework, not worry, and just let go. I need that peace everyday! *note to self* Thankful that I had the chance to be with people whom I’ve barely known for a year – but feel like family already. I honestly do not know how God is this generous. Days like these don’t come often, but I know that I can look back and remind myself of God’s goodness.

Well. School really starts now. Test,s quizzes and what nots. Yet. I am eternally grateful to be called higher, to depend more and more on His strength. 

Thoughts

let me tell you a story.

This past week has been so difficult for me because I’ve had to face things no girl should ever face. Okay fine, this may sound melodramatic, I’ll stop.

But let me tell you, before I start, that if you can relate to this, you should know that you can come to a place that is set higher and chose to speak life and peace into your circumstances.

So, a friend told me that I could live with her for the summer. It wasn’t till later on that I found out that the person will not be in town till a week or so after my contract ended. Ok, so whatever, cause someone offered me their couch. And that was enough. Somehow deep inside I had a feeling that it wouldn’t work out. And so Sunday came along, I had no place to go. I called my cell leader just hours before, explained my situation and she said I could stay. So that was that. 

I’ve been trying to call the person to see if I still could live with her for the rest of the summer. But somehow I just felt like, meh. It didn’t work out, why should I keep trying. I was upset already. Because let me tell you something:

Being homeless sucks. Depending on others sucks. Relying on someone else (other than family) it’s not cool. Always asking for rides and favours you know you cannot repay. 

To be honest I wasn’t even pms-ing. I guess the feeling of not having a place to stay in a foreign land really got to me. I don’t even know why.. But whatever the excuse, I was sad. Feeling so let down. Not cool I tell you. On top of that I kept missing Skype or FaceTime dates. 

Let me where I am at now. This past Sunday I went out for prayers, and whatever pride I had I didn’t care. I just went out and told my frustrations, basically how I wished I was home – and things would be less complicated. I literally bawled. Which was a little bit embarrassing but no pride hey. Through that prayer, I felt my heavy heart slowly becoming lighter and lighter. By the time I got back to my seat I was so light. I felt free and it has been quite some time since I felt that way.

To be honest, I purposed in my heart to forgive, forget and let it be the past. But honestly, let me be frank and tell you that my initial trust can never be restored. I guess I really just need Jesus to teach me how to trust and start new again. 
I mean one step at a time? I am so grateful that I got to a point where I can look at the situation from a higher point. I am blessed to be able to stand on a rock that is higher than I. I pray with all my heart that I will be able to be genuine and loving and just so forgiving in future circumstances.
Here’s to new family and learning to grow!

Summer livin

i have a tonne of things to check of my to-do list,

But all I can do right now is just sit here, listen to Sleeping at Last aka emo music, stare out into the night and think of how cool it would be if I could be in AZ.
Ah that life of disappointment is a stranger to me now.

Because if you learn to rely on the One that never fails – life will never be a disappointment.

Grateful for alone time and grateful for my best best Friend who follows me wherever I go.
Remember that, Eugenia.

Favor

In 30 mins I have a class to go to. And yet I am here blogging.

Let me tell you why. I randomly found a song from an Indonesian band – JPCC True Worshippers. When I was listening to the album, I wasn’t aware that it was titled: “Favor”. But towards the end of this song, yes not even the song itself, it was the part where the guy starts talking after a song (like they do after worship), he said this: “The challenges/situations you are facing right now is only for the season, but His favor lasts for a lifetime.”

The word favor means so much to me. I am undeserving and I know that Jesus has been too kind to me. He blesses me with opportunities and things that I can never receive without His strength. Before leaving to study, people have often prayed favor over me. Always, at every low point of my life He always pours out so much favor on me. The worst part is that I’ve never really thanked Him or acknowledged His presence, His favor. Often crediting myself for my hard work. Pffft, what hard work? Its all HIS work. He doesn’t receive the praise He deserves, yet He keeps pouring out unconditionally.

He is my strength when I have none,

He is my wisdom when I need it,

He is my help when I have no one to turn to;

He is my never failing rock.

I won’t say I am at a low point right now but I am definitely worrying too much. What a mean thing to do – not trusting in His favor. He must be so offended (not).

But today, I am reminded. I am thankful and grateful to be reminded. I cannot believe this is MY Jesus.

Spring break pt 2

Here is a list of some things I got to do over the spring break:

  • study & finished all my homework
  • Ate cereal (snowflakes) everyday for breakfast
  • tan at a nearby pool
  • walk around ASU campus (and witness very cold rain – rare occasion)
  • hike up camelback
  • Drove to Flagstaff
  • Visit the beautiful, breath taking Grand Canyon
  • Watched Cinderella
  • Had a super-good-and-yummy bowl of acai from Chopshop
  • Cruised on the lake – with the boat
  • Shopped the whole day

So yeah, that was pretty much how I spent my days. Kor was pretty busy but he spent so much time with me nonetheless. Been so blessed to catch up and spend time with this boy.

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Kendra turns 19 part 2



Hi everyone,

This is Kendra. I met her barely 3 months ago but I love her so much already. In many ways she has been such a blessing to me. She has been like my “little” sister – no I’m kidding. But her love for God inspires to always pursue God with all my heart.

From my brief friendship with Kendra I can say this about her.

Kendra is kind, she is determined- to love God and love others. Kendra is full of joy and caring. But most of all Kendra’s child like faith and love for God is extraordinary.

Happy 19th birthday, to this wonderful life I have a privilege to be a part of.

Love you Kendra Sy!