Kendra turns 19 part 2



Hi everyone,

This is Kendra. I met her barely 3 months ago but I love her so much already. In many ways she has been such a blessing to me. She has been like my “little” sister – no I’m kidding. But her love for God inspires to always pursue God with all my heart.

From my brief friendship with Kendra I can say this about her.

Kendra is kind, she is determined- to love God and love others. Kendra is full of joy and caring. But most of all Kendra’s child like faith and love for God is extraordinary.

Happy 19th birthday, to this wonderful life I have a privilege to be a part of.

Love you Kendra Sy!

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New seasons

It is about time I admit that it is a time of new seasons for me. Oh where do I start? It is going to be my second month here.

To be honest, it is after 2 months would be the longest I have been away from home. When I studied in Kuching (Borneo Islands) I flew home every other weekend lol – even for 3 days. I would skip classes sometimes heh. Realising I can’t do that here is a little bit new for me.

Nevertheless, my time here has been nothing less than amazing. I have definitely had some ups and downs for sure, but this week has been overwhelming for me. I would like to remind my future self reading this to never look back again. This week has been a breakthrough for me. This is true in so many different ways.

I’ve had countless nights tossing and turning in bed and waking up before my alarm rings. Throughout the week I went through so many things that I had to constantly choose peace. Yes, you should agree that it is not easy. Often, the easier way would be to just admit defeat and start worrying. Anxiety. Believing in anxiety and worrying is a paradox to believing in God. This is a lesson I’ve heard countless times (especially during the Fullness conference) I know but never learnt to take heart (at least till now). I was so exhausted – the cold, the snow, cancellation of tests, every other reason. By Friday I was beat. Tired out, and suddenly I decided to listen to Graham Cooke’s message from Fullness. Hearing it the third time finally struck me in the heart. I’ve had this gradual feeling of freedom, pure peace and just slowly feeling free again.

Yes, situations may not go my way all the time but Jesus is for me.


Also, this week so many people have ministered to me and I want to remind myself to be thankful for them. My parents have always been on Skype telling me to trust God in everything, and in life group this week we had a prophecy practice thing. It was so impromptu! Regardless, Jesus is always good and we prophesied over each other. The guys in my small group spoke three things over me: fruits I may not see, a calming sunrise and the word patience. (Yeah like, what?) But I have faith! To see all this things come to pass. Anyways back to the Friday. I purposed in my heart that I was so tired of living a tired life, I want to hold my ground and claim my rest back. To add on the whole process, today, Past Chris spoke about the “Change of Heart” in church. What are we living for? Because everything that we do springs out from the heart. Are we guarding it?

Nosi spoke a word over me today – it struck me so hard. I am not ready to share it yet. But I am so blessed. To catch a glimpse of what’s in store for me.

Psalms 91 – a whole chapter worth meditating over and over again.


 

AH LIFE, SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO. Two more hours into a brand new week. What do you say Jesus? Ready? Well, if You are I am.

Have a great week ahead everyone! Remember to always be grateful for each day you live, live it to the best you possibly can. An ex classmate’s sister passed away earlier today. It’s always devastating to hear of new like this but Jesus wanted her home early. We can only live each day like it’s our last. Only then we’ve really lived. 🙂

Oh. My old love for Switchfoot is back. I found this song ever so relevant.

Job

Just finished reading Jobs in my reading plan. The ending was so rewarding – knowing how he endured so much suffering and yet Jesus never left him.

I know that everyone has their own talents and trials. We all face things differently but Jesus still remains the same. The only thing I’m so grateful for each day

“I can do things you cannot, you can do the things I cannot, together we can do great things” – Mother Theresa

Fullness 2015

Hi, its Friday and I am waiting on laundry. I am listening to Jonathan David & Melissa Helser’s latest album – “On the Shores”. I just scored 5/5 for my Geo reading quiz and that made my day. 🙂 Anyway, I’ve been procrastinating. Putting off writing this post and now I realise why. Why I wasn’t so keen on writing it.

Honestly, the Fullness conference tugs on my heart’s deepest part. Every fault and disbelief I have was challenged. I will try to explain what I mean. But honestly, I am a very negative person (well that was the old me!) and to hear things like this – the simple truths of our great Father made me so skeptical. I was like, “Huh, really, it’s that simple? No, that can’t be it”.

One thing spoke to me so powerfully – this simple statement:

“Rest is our greatest weapon”

As easy as it is to say these five words, to know and take heart, thats a different level. Graham Cooke’s sermon on rest really challenged me. I started questioning myself. Really – why am I worrying so much when I have a God that has everything taken care of? Is anything too hard for the Lord? Often, I am guilty of belittling God. Limiting His power and love in my life. Honestly, we receive the love we think we receive and I’ve been guilty of thinking that God will never love me as much because of (endless list of flaws). Telling Him, “Hey, my day is going to be pretty busy today, and I’m going to pray and do my devotions – but I’m going to strive to make sure I get through the day. And uhm, if you want to help you can, but it’s going to be a busy day, okay God? So bye”, “See you when I’m exhausted and weary from my busy day”. And then at the end of the day I find myself asking, “Where was God during my bad/busy days”? Naive. So blinded by the fact that i’ve left Him aside, forgotten that He was right there, next to me.

And yet, God is so ever ready to open His arms wide again – to assure me that He is glad i’ve come to realise that his love is unconditional. His grace is all deserving and His power knows no bounds. And yes, we may limit Him when the waves of life come crashing Him, but that doesn’t mean He is actually limited in anything, we just think He is. And oh, what a wonderful God we serve. That allows us to come just as we are, with our flaws and impure love and filthy hearts.

I will never begin to understand that, but I believe it is real. And I want to live like that – knowing I am loved and God’s grace will never let  me go. I went to lifegroup on Thursday (after yet another hectic week) and Chris, my LG leader shared about how he had a pretty intense week but He chose Jesus. He chose not to worry. In the end he didn’t look tired out or anything, God’s grace sustained him. Wow, to hear and witness testimonies from people my age – that’s something. LG has been opening my eyes to see how God works in the lives of people my age. I’ve heard testimonies after testimonies. Jesus has worked in radical ways. Despite the similar struggles we all face as students, God remains the same, yet so personal to each and everyone of us. I want a significant relationship with God. One thats not built based on obligations but one that recognizes that by delighting in God alone, we claim our territory and let God into our everyday lives. Better yet, we kick the enemy’s stronghold, throw away worries and anxieties. Before we know it, we have our greatest weapon: REST!

And a little bit about the actual conference. The Friday of the conference Kenah texted me. He told me that he had extra overflow tickets – a ticket cost $69 (overflow) $90 (normal). And I thought about it for the longest time, then I finally decided, hey, he offered, guess I’ll just go. And so, I am so grateful to Kenah really, for not forcing us, but actually giving us the option to go. Thankful to these two really. They treat me like their own little sister. Love them to the bits (picture 8) I got to hang out at Hannah’s place for the night with a bunch of girls from LG. One of them, Rachel (picture 7) is an art/portrait major. Its so cool how she painted during worship, the picture shows some of the paintings she worked on throughout fullness. (picture 5&6) This super cool burger/bar place Kenah took us. He paid for our burgers, it was so good! The place was pretty neat too. We spent the break talking and getting to know Laura. (picture 1) is on Saturday – when Kenah cooked for us dinner and we all hung out at his place.

So, the picture with the Bethel guys? Well. I totally had a crush on the keyboardist, haha he was so good looking! And on the last day I told myself I need a picture with him, or anyone in the band for Tiff (< super big fan of Bethel). But I had not guts. Ya. I went up to the beard guy , told him my sister is singing Bethel songs in Malaysia. And there, awkward picture for you! I was kinda bummed since they were leaving for tour immediately after this service. We chilled and waited for everyone to gather to go home. And I was heading towards the toilet area when Jeremy Riddle and Mr Cute Keyboardist walked towards me!!! I was thrilled. Totally jumped at the chance and asked for a picture. Conveniently, Pabel was there and the Cutie thought I wanted a picture with Jeremy only, I had to convince him to be in it lol. But it was all worth it! We drove home and they were next to us. It wa so funny but 🙂 🙂 what a wonderful few days. really.

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Thank you Jesus, for never failing to amaze each day.

To live.

The past few days have been so hard. I sent my laptop for repair. This was the outcome:

1. My laptop can be fixed in January – its not that expensive, but it will never be done before I leave. Ok. So Option 2?

2. I found out that my laptop USB port cannot be fixed unless I change the motherboard (almost the price of a new laptop)

3. I decided to improvise by using thunderbolt. Hoping & praying it works. (adding another “to buy” onto my list).

And Christmas/ Kor’s homecoming/ going back to my hometown/packing. Been so busy! So many things to do, and it is so last minute. As of today (14/12) I only have 20 days left! At least all my travelling documents and etc. are all settled. Oh the minor things left. I have been so busy, I neglect my devotions (reducing the time I spend meditating & etc). Sighs compromise. But today. I’m reminded that God’s definition of living is to live with grace. To know that no matter how many times we fail (again and again); His grace is always enough to pick us up.

pc: goddaily.tumblr.com


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

reminiscence (?)

So, I have not lived two decades of my life.. and yet, I am already looking through stuff I’ve kept from what seems like a lifetime away. Yes, you can call me a hoarder for keeping useless items (like camp books, bus/KTM/LRT/first monorail tickets, notes, random little notebooks etc) from when I was younger. It amazes me how just seven years ago felt like… just a memory. Met up with high school buds and realised how much time has past and how far we’ve gone (not very far yet mind you).

Things I’ve realised:

1. Growing up is a never ending process.

Be it 5, 15 or 50, age is just a number! I have realised that there is always something to learn; to discover; to accept. I hope the future me will be open enough to remember this. Really. We live in a fast-paced generation, aimlessly trying to tick off everything in our little list:

  •  Study in a good university. (Earn a degree/masters/phd/phd(s))
  •  Get a good job. (Earn a lot of $$$)
  • Marry (handsome/pretty/rich/funny/kind/ + all the criteria on a super long list and etc.)
  • Have a family
  • and the list goes on and on…

Times are changing faster than ever. We have to always be open – not compromise, just open. We do not succumb to everything we hear but we respect the various views of people we meet. Often, we need to learn to listen to an individual regardless of their age. I hope I don’t grow too old and proud to listen to young people next time.

2. Memories will be memories

What once happened, happened. Looking back, you realise that the friends you thought will stay with you forever, don’t stay with you forever. Sorry. Sad but true fact. It is inevitable to realise that everyone chooses their own paths in life. The faster you realise, the less disappointed you will get. But hey, it is not all that bad! In the process of growing up you meet different people (even if it is just for a season of your life). Also, the happiest part about this is the fact that you realise you have that one Friend that never leaves. The one that is always there for you no matter how many you have ditched Him. Being alone/lost/vulnerable is definitely a blessing in disguise. Only then will you realise that Jesus has been there for you all this while. So now that we know Jesus is always there – lets leave the memories like they once were, put our heads up and look to what’s ahead instead. After all, self pity ain’t no party.

3. You have no replay button in life

In plain terms: “YOLO”. Literally – you realise you only live once. Not the carefree-I-can-do-anything-I-want kind of feeling. On the contrary, it is the feeling that makes you want to make every person you encounter feel blessed. Not how much you deserve to live your life, just because. Instead it is the kind that will treat anybody nicely – because its his one and only life to be kind. The ones that are willing to give in, give way, and just give. Because they only live once. The feeling that everyday you would want to live it right because you cannot relive it. Very much like someone who has grasped the concept of “living like you were dying”. The easiest way to evaluate this part of yourself is to ask: ‘If I had cancer and I have one day left to live, what would I do?” (This works for me – specially when I feel ungrateful or just disappointed). Only when someone fully realise the weight of these four letters – they have lived.

Just some thoughts, and overwhelming nostalgia, nothing much.

Well, here’s to looking forward!

92 / God bless!

So

you can keep me, inside the pocket of your ripped jeans.
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone

 Kinda like this song by Ed Sheeran. This version is the best though. On the plus side we are on holidays! Got to love the Malaysia diversity – every race celebrates different holidays. Consequently: more holidays. Work has been hectic as usual. Quiet days are becoming more scarce. During the day lunch hour gets busy too mehh. Shockingly lost weight from not having proper meals the first week. But I finally got the day shift.

My first night of the Raya holidays well spent 🙂 Went to Subang Rally 2014: Limitless. Sat with Zheng and his Monash friends. The response for the altar call was amazing. God is amazing. Love that God is moving so widely among the youths in Subang. John 14:12 always.

Till then! God bless!