#587 Raw blogging

simplicity?

Today I stumbled upon a very dear friend’s blog, and I feel a pinch of jealousy of how the blogger has been able to express herself so clearly and in such a personal way, its amazing the sincerity of the blog. And needless to say I have read plenty of others who blog that way too. I used to blog like that too, but then I don’t know when did blogging become a few pictures, some words and thats what a call a post.

Insecurity of what people would say would definitely be at the back of my mind, reminding me ot blog with caution. Haha but who am I kidding, no one reads this blog. And I can just be hopeful that the one person who does will actually be impacted. Because in all sincerity, I haven’t had a decent post lately. Maybe occasionally, and I think reading blogs are one of the luxuries of going on the web. Its just so personal, haha reading about one’s life.

So I shall tell you about my holidays, at least what I remember.
I pretty much spent my December away, in the hometown of Sarawak where we had crazy fun with the cousins, really. Everyday was exciting. There was always something to do. The highlights were

  • of course going to my aunt’s orchard (kebun) picking ripe fruits, like rambutan etc. 
  • 3 nights of barbeque, yums, (Everyone became heavier fyi)
  • Sg. Maong the mission trip with their church, and the road trip there! 
  • Checking out my uncle’s new apartment, super sweet hangout place for a bachelor I dare say
  • Walks with the dogs!
  • Night walks with the cousins
  • And of course without a doubt, the family reunion, although incomplete. 
Nevertheless, those two weeks were too short. Hahaha, managed to get my granny laughing everyday, and it makes me so happy. Lately the passing away of my late uncle has made her so upset, and she just couldn’t really find true joy, in different circumstances. But nevertheless, I hope she was really happy with us being there. My other granny however, mum’s side needs prayers. Her bone mass in her knees are decreasing too quickly making it painful to walk.  That made us all worried, good news is she is coming over for CNY, considering that it is difficult for her to go visiting over there. God will heal her. My cute granny. When we came back, December went by in a blur. First we were all dead tired, mentally exhausted and we slept, and slept. Which made planning the Christmas party really hard, hahah but nevertheless, it was a success and soon enough, we were in church again for countdown, and there 2012 is over. 
January. This month signifies new beginnings, a fresh start. I also realised that college intake, the first one- Jan would be very soon. Initially I was very sure I wanted to do law, because it seemed so convenient. And not to mention, friends were confirm going to go there to, so it made me all the more sure. But things took a huge turn when I realised it wasn’t for me. Only to realise another option that would be favored by the ambitious aunts and of course my parents. Hahaha, it’s not to say that I want to please them, but what’s life without challenges, and hence. I decided to wait for actual results before applying. Hoping for a scholarship, because as i’ve mentioned earlier I want to study FOC. heh.
My holidays. Danggg, who knew, its 3/4 of the month flew by already. New years. Searching for colleges, intakes, details, etc. Driving amali courses, and church, why have I been so busy? Well, 
cleaning the house has taken a huge deal of my time, entertaining the baby sister never gets old. On top of that outings with the friends, there’s always plenty to do. And I am actually trying to keep fit so I don’t get so sick easily. So much win btw, you can accomplish more cleaning without feeling tired! Haha okay I kid, but while waiting for my “L” I have been driving around the area with mum in the car of course. Not forgetting cooking lunch for my siblings occasionally. Keeping up with my Bible reading, devotions and such. Practicing musical instruments again; picking up old dusty skills that i’ve neglected due to the busy-ness of my high school years.
IF THAT’S NOT ENOUGH, you get the point, I barely have time to breathe and do nothing. HA. 
So basically this is me blogging, again. Hope you were annoyed, jokes.
God bless!
Tata.

ps LOOK WHAT I FOUND heheh

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#561 Self reflection Part 2

So I have come to it. What do I think about myself. Well clearly I let stress get to me, if it isn’t obvious enough, if you see me after a race and the next person is 0.5 secs away I start to worry and think I suck. Which is so bad, and I tend to freak out in my head and I think too much. Yes thats it.

This year, I have done a silly thing.

Silly indeed, over thinking every. single. thing. Till it brought me to a point that I have my priorities all fogged and blurry, not knowing what really matters anymore. Its true when they say over thinking kills, not physically of course, mentally, slowly. It hurts loved ones and does uncountable silly things.

The only thing I regret so deeply, is not trusting God enough. With my life I mean. Not trusting that He knows best, and He has only nothing less than the best in mind. Sighs, hurting so many people in the process is so remorseful.

Thankfully and gratefully, the hardest part of 2012 is over. But then there came SPM, and I spent hours locked away in my room, apart from preparing myself to face the fact that my brother is thousands of miles away. Silly me again for denying that and actually thinking it to be a mere nightmare. Scarily, this nightmare became a reality for me. Ngeh, so easy to fake a smile so no one will know whats actually inside. And I tend to be so fake sometimes, ha, that is my confession.

So this comforts me so much. Knowing that every hardship and circumstances around me only make me who I am today. And that perseverance brings character. Hopefully, because God knows what He is doing. I pray everyday, for the strength to stay strong and to trust Him no matter how funny life gets and no matter how hazy things may be, how unclear chances are. I just have to pray for the faith of a child, that will believe just about anything. And I definitely need to pray for more discipline, to pray for others, and of course do my devotions everyday- not just when I’m free. Just because it’s the least I can do. Heh.

Sorry, but thats just me, losing my brother to a faraway land has been hard for the family, this close knitted bunch of people we call family. Any hows, we survived. FEAR NOT, my 2012 wasn’t so bad. There were many occasions, endless in fact, where I have to just thank God for everything nice and wonderful. Like getting the Selangor Olahragawati (which is the first I got besides school) and of course so many other running opportunities, open doors, and definitely walking me through SPM.

I still can’t believe God didn’t give up on me. BUT THAT’S MY GOD.

My 2012 in pictures

RUNNING:
SUKSES

MSSD
Running family 🙂
Had the time of my life with the schoolmates, it has been a great journey training, and all the politics we faced together. The lunches after training. The MPSJ track. Hiding the 5 cent coin haha. And everything, i’m going to miss the guys so much. 😦
MSSS

Another family, green blue, black. We did everyone proud this year, but so close yet so far. First olahragawati outside school. 🙂 And I clocked my second best timing. Loved being the “older sister”
MSSM
Ikal, the MSSM bestie. Love her ttm. The most retarded best friend ever. I mean we could be so close in such a short time. Love her.
Seniors!
ALL MAH BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS
Enjoyed all the teasing and the crazy moments training together.
MERENTAS DESA
SPORTS DAY
holding that trophy again, thankyou God 🙂
CHAMPS OF SPORTS DAY 2012- GREEN HOUSE

SUKMA

They drove to kuantan to see me run, I have the best family in the world, (TO ME)
*****
SCHOOL/OTHERS

BOMBA COMPETITION, with the runners


*****

JOE BROOKS’
@KL LIVE

*****


SUBANG RALLY


*****
HARI ANUGERAH
******
❤        
People I love:
KOR
ohmykor, I miss you so much. Every day is still different without you. Today finally, someone actually used your mug, with your name on it, and it has been kept that long. Well, sometimes I wake up and wonder why you’re being such a pig and sleeping so long. But 5 seconds later I realise your room is my study room. There are days when I come down and almost ask if you’re awake, or what time you came home the previous nights. And they are also days when the NFL notifications lights up and I will think of you. Distance has been awfully mean to us both and I’ll always miss you being around as a brother and a friend. But I have to learn to move forward, accept the circumstances. Because I find so much comfort knowing that God has planned your future, as well as mine. So kor, I miss you dearly, but it’s for the best. Study hard, but most importantly stay close to God, because He knows you better than me 😉 
Much love.
The family. 

This december was well spent with the cousins, all the differences yet so united. So happy I got to meet each one of you. This time was such an eye-opener. And I really need to go back often. Love roadtrips and travelling in Sarawak. Best of all, I love my Inik, my grandmother, who never fails to make me laugh each day. Being my buddy. ^^

Cousins + Grandma
oh the cousins, they will never read this cause we don’t really know each other ONLINE. But in the real world, man, we’re best buddies after days. People get to know each other for a lifetime before being friends. We’re just friend for a lifetime. Really, from cooking breakfast, to bathing dogs, long walks, and complaining about mothers. Hahah my 17 year old neph and cous. We 3 are unstoppable. Really. 😉 Miss them to the bits but I know that God has the future planned out for every one of us, so see you both in 6 months aye? Gawai! 🙂
TZE JING
HEEEEY RETARD. 2012 has been so aweshum ah. Friends for barely two years but seriously, the amount of teasings I get, countless. But I know your life will be very dull without me. Oh oops, I mean the other way around. Hahah thank you for being so awesome, and all the retarded moments we have. From singing in the dewan to annoy TS to calling YP short hehe. Have fun future lawyer, love you!
 
YEEPEI
Ahyo, kiew ah kiew. IDK what to say la. You are like the most popular girl in school lo, pretty, everyone likes you but you think too much. Really, you are wonderful, but you don’t know it. I hope you learn to learn yourself more, stop writing emo posts cause it  makes people emo too. Stio reading emo books, be more confident okay haiyo. Promise me to always be happy, I like being around you cause you’re shorter than me. Hahaha, and you know I love you, and your driving. 😉
TSUI SAN
HELLO DAUGHTER! 2 years classmates when everyone left 😦 But we had such retarded moments this year. Haha. Thanks for always tolerating my nonsense and making me shut up sometimes, and telling me when teachers are scolding. Best table mate, love youu baby.
YATKUAN
HIHIHIHIHIHIHH^^ hahaha I didn’t know you earlier but it has been so awesome to know that you think i’m not retarded. Right now you are eating maggi mee on skype with Jing, so retarded. But I love you anyways, know you’ve been through a rough year, no worries, 2013 will be great! 🙂

MISS CHOO CHOO
heylo. classmate, addmath tuition buddy. You and your sister have been so nice to me, from shopping for prom dresses in KL to crazy car rides. Thank you for letting me come over before/after tuitions and the undang, thanks for helping me stay awake. Hhaha and I will miss all the retarded moments we have in class, all the crazy lame ass jokes and whatsapp convos. *SIGHS. We are so lame. BUT, hahaha, love you la. 🙂
JIA
in 2009 we had 3 pictures together
in 2010 we had 2
in 2012 I’m pretty sure less than 15
Yea. Thats us jia, no matter what you’ll always be the best lala. Sorry for always not replying your texts back then (during running season) and taking you for granted sometimes. Hehe, you’re so nice, and I wish you the best always. And thanks for the advice, and being like a big brotha. 🙂 Stay buff. Hahaha.
VIVIEN
HI BIMBO FRIEND, omg I will never forget you and your nerd act in class, no joke. I laughed my ass off literally. And thank you for the late night talks, in Nise’s house. Hahah reality hits hard. But you’ve always been a good friend, so thank you for spending November 12 not studying but instead coming to Pizza Uno for my birthday. 
PRYA
Best friend of idk how many years, I’ll always cherish the moments we have. And all the crazy times we had together, you’ll always be my favourite indian. Love you prya. 🙂
CHENG YU WEI
Heylo cheng yu wei, I miss you and your funny laugh. Come back from camp  quick. Its been an awesome year for CF eh. Really, but miss the CF meetings, your the kind of person that really knows what matters in life, in CF and although we got distracted by SPM we made it through the year. It’s been great going camp, getting to know you and hahaha the Justin Bieber video we did on valentines day. Well, wishing you all the best in everything, I know you’ll go places and do great stuff, amazing things for Jesus. Continue being a blessing to everyone you meet okay? You made CF 2012 unforgettable, along with every single member of CF.

CHENG YI
Another girl who has impacted my life so greatly. Your raw simplicity and honesty about life, and how you see things has changed my way of seeing things too. Being in camp with you was something cause I learnt so much. Sorry for “stealing” your best friend away, haha Clarissa is just really friendly, but i’m glad I got to earn another best friend in the process; you. You’ve always been there for me, and I want to thank you for always helping us stay positive in every CF meeting and gently reminding us when we go wrong. I have so much to learn from you, and I hope you do well in everything. You will continue to touch others around you I believe, continue shouting God’s fame. You, shy? Nah don’t think so.
ALEX, your mini head is there. Thank you for all the encouragement, and for sharing your thoughts with me. You’re going to have a fine year KP. Hope that 2013 goes well for you, and I hope I can be there when you need me too. Continue shining for Jesus in everything you do bro.
EU-NISE
hello there everything buddy. I thank God for placing you in my life. I’ve written so many posts about you, just scroll down. Frankly, you’ve been through alot this year, and your faith and hope in God is something I admire. Wish the best for you in everything, and thanks for the prayers before each run. 😉
So many others who have impacted my life, but thats all for tonight. wrote till midnight, wanted it to be a new years post, but oh well, 2nd Jan 2013 it is. 🙂
‘Till then

#585 My 2012

I thank God for;

1. God
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Running; and outings

but mainly God for every blessing he has showered on me. That has made my 2012, wonderful, in every way, even the hard parts, just cause He’s always there.

more updates soon!

Happy New Years Eve! Hello 2013.


Goodbyes,

the hardest ever imagined are saying those words to loved ones.

airports. hate em.

I guess at the end of the day all good things will always come to an end. But mum says to every new beginnings are endings, that leads to new beginnings. I will always cherish the past weeks i’ve spent and the time I had with my huge family, now that we’re done with high school, I just honestly hope we don’t drift apart.

Thank You God, for everything, to family.

🙂

AND WE WISH YOU: HAPPY HOLIDAYS,
travel safe!

The day I turned 17;

THE GAIS:
Park, thanks for the rose! 🙂
Jack, Chuan Jian, Jared, Josh, thank you all for coming.
Eu Jin, willing to miss gym time & eat fatty food? hahah,
Jia, thanks for perro! Wee Jui, eeeh, haah thanks for the coke! 😀
HANJIN. HOHO, watch out friend. *Stares*
At least I gave you cake to eat, next time, I will not be generous no more.*serious face*
And Chun Yeaw for calling 🙂 
PIN & MEI, the card was awesome thank you both! 🙂
YAY WE SO CUTE.
Adilah & Munawar! Irfan too! Thanks for coming,
AND HAPPY BELATED PRETTY SMART CLASSMATE! 🙂
Oh and ill always remember our dorky moments in class 😉 5D FTW

THANK YOU VIVIEN
For all the seconds you spent not studying just to celebrate my special day
love you!
xxxxx
THANKS FOR THE CAMERA YATTY.
And our retarded moments. *coughs.
LOVE YOU GRANDMA 😉 Jk about the grandma part.
Not jk about the love you part.

PICTURE CREDITS HERE.

THANK YOU for the OLYMPICS TEE! 🙂
AND the card.
AND the video
AND the song
And everything else “sister” 😉
San. Jing. Pei.
Best friends/prom buddies ftw.
(Y) LOVE YOU ALL.
We go crazy & retarded together, but thank you all for everything you’ve done for me.
Such amazing friends *sniffs. But really. 🙂 Thanks for helping pei organise & etc etc.
AND MAKING MY LIFE SHO COLOURFUL. Glitter & rainbows, and unicorns tooooo!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST: CUTE YEEPEI
To the girl that made everything possible. THANK YOU FOR PLANNING THIS
I would write an essay about you too but;
I believe that you have so much in you, and your kind heart to do charity proves it.
Pei, studying is not everything, so what if you get all A’s? So what if you don’t?
People will judge, people will look down, but people also forget you know 😉
 Life ain’t all about the books. Believe in yourself a little bit more okay. ❤

Thank you for this. Party
heh, you so sweet really I know how hard it is to get everyone together.
So for the effort specially during SPM ❤ Owe you big time.

THANK YOU for fetching me home. Safely too.

*HUGS*

And to all those who wished. Thank you, even though it wasn’t on fb idk how you found out. AND THE GUYS, everyone of the olahraga guys wished me. FB or whatsapp. Whatever, but naw, you guys remembered. :’) I’m going miss every.one.of.you. Really, but it’s time to hand over the baton, so keep the legacy for Seafield. Track and field. AND TO THOSE I MISSED, or forgot to reply. Deepest apologies. And thank you. For making my birthday wonderful in every way.

With love,

&
Happy Birthday Mummy!

Christian Fellowship 2012

Welcome new bod. 🙂
They’ve been like family to me, going to miss everything. Here’s to the new bod, and one of the greatest years of cf, end of high school CF. Well, all praise and glory to Him.

____

“Now I’ve found the greatest love of all is mine

Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice”
-Majesty, Delirious